A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal alien in the bushes right by the border fence, he pulls him out and says "Sorry, you know the law, you've got to go back across the border right now."

The Mexican man pleads with them, "No, noooo Senior, I must stay in de USA! Pleeeze!"

The Border Patrol Agent thinks to himself, I'm going to make it hard for him and says "Ok, I'll let you stay if you can use 3 english words in a sentence."

The Mexican, of course, agrees.

The Border Patrol Agent tells him, "The 3 words are Green, Pink and Yellow.......Now use all them in 1 sentence."

The Mexican man thinks really hard for about 2 minutes, then says, "Hmmm, Ok...... The phone, it went Green, Green, Green, I Pink it up and sez Yellow?"

Ten indicators that you are a FOB (Fresh of the Boat)

Instead of saying something's the bomb, you say, "That was awesome "thing man!"
You wear a kurta pajama at clubs.
You work at an Indian grocery store or jewelry store to meet girls.
People can smell your imitation Drakkar Noir from miles away.
Your the captain and sole member of your school's cricket team.
You use a whole bottle of hair gel whenever you leave the house.
You get high off butter chicken and/or mango frooti.
Your gang's uniform is a Michael Jackson T-shirt with Rambo pants.
You have a nickname like Pinto, Bunty, Bunny, Dolly, or Penny.
Anyone you don't like is a "bloody idiot" or a "bastard."
Top Ten indicators of your having become an "Amrikan Dood"

10. You think most Indian teenagers are pure and chaste.
9. You think everyone in the world knows about the O.J. Simpson case.
8. You can't believe the world wide web exists in India. You can't believe Delhi has had phone services like call waiting and the other fancy stuff you get here for the past three years and you can't believe there have been ATM (like MAC) machines in Indian cities for more than 7 years.
7. You like Broccoli.
6. You find cricket to be boring but watch golf, bowling or curling on TV.
5. You express sarcasm with "Yeah, right."
4. When you see anyone at all pass by you on the road, you greet them with a "Howz it goin", "Whassup" or "How you doin" and keep walking on.
3. You say "interesting" when either you don't care or think it is weird.
2. You refer to India as a Third World Country.
1. You understood, enjoyed and could relate to every joke in the Humor Page.
Newton's Laws of Immigration

LAW 1 :
An Indian will continue to stay in USA due to inertia or greed until a force called deportation is applied.

LAW 2 :
The Force of Deportation F = ma
Where :
m = Amount Of Money an Indian Earned/Saved in USA.
a = dm/dt = The Rate at which an Indian Saved Money.

(This is contrary to the Popular Belief that an Indian will return back after making lot of Money.)

LAW 3 :
For Each and Every Indian That Goes Back To Desh For a Temporary Visit, An Indian Of Opposite Sex will come To USA On a Permanent Basis.
Fresh off the boat english

I talk, he talk; Why do you beech beech talk? (beech, beech = middle, middle)
Open the windows and let the atmosphere come in!"
"Why are you naat filupping the blanks?"
Maro saale ko: Hit the brother in law.
"Hey, u guys, please keep quiet. The president is rotating outside".
"Donot smoke and spoil the botany of ur body".
"Don't talk like that in front of my back".
You are from desi in the Bay Area when ....
  1. Your household income is $200,000, and you can't afford shoes for the kids.
  2. You think anything slower than DSL is barbaric, but can't get it in your neighborhood.
  3. You know what DSL stands for.
  4. You think that American food includes sushi, naan, pho and pad thai.
  5. You met your neighbors once.
  6. When asked about your commute, you answer in time, not distance.
  7. Even though you work 80 hours per week on a computer, for relaxation, you read your email and peruse eBay.
  8. You have worked at the same job for a year, and people call you an "old-timer."
  9. You have a special drawer devoted to T-shirts with the company logo.
  10. You sign a lease on a studio apartment for $1800 per month exclaiming "It was a steal!"
  11. You can name four different programming languages, and you are not a programmer.
  12. You remember the names of the three closest cheap sushi joints, the location of all the Fry's in the area and which companies your friends work for that are going public in the next year. But don't know the name of the mayor.
  13. Standing in line at Starbucks you wonder why the employees don't call a head hunter.
  14. You work six miles from your home and spend two hours a day commuting and $40 a week on gas.
  15. Winter is when your lawn grows too fast, and summer is when it dies.
  16. You live on some of the richest farm land in the world, but most of what you eat comes from South America.
  17. Your best friends live across town, but you hardly ever see each other because after your commute you're too pooped to spend another hour driving to their home.
  18. You cringe when you see people in suits at your office, wondering if someone in management will make you stop wearing slippers.
  19. You plan your vacation so that you don't have to drive back in commute traffic.
  20. You could walk to the market in 45 minutes, but taking public transit adds another three hours ... and you still have to walk 45 minutes.
  21. You don't go to sporting events unless you are given tickets by your employer.
  22. You could sell your home and live like a king in 99% of the rest of the world.